Original Air Date: January 26, 1953
I’m again!!! Thank you to everybody who wrote encouraging notes throughout one other surprising hiatus. I needed to step away for a while to open Fox News the Musical. As all the time, for those who’d wish to sustain with any of my different initiatives apart from WTF Lucy, try my web site and Facebook web page.
And with that, we return to East 68th Street. Last episode, Lucy introduced forth life. Or as this present would put it, Ricky sacrificially allowed Lucy to offer delivery on his behalf.
Blessed be the fruit. May the Lord open.
Considering Little Ricky’s delivery was the best rated TV episode of all time when it premiered in 1953, with 71% of America watching, I’m sure for this episode households in every single place gathered eagerly to see the brand new child do one thing cute.
No such luck. As the Trump presidency has taught us, watching infants whine all day can get actually outdated.
Instead, we open on Ricky enjoying piano. He has SO MUCH ENERGY after having a child!!! It’s nearly like he hasn’t needed to do something.
Fred and Ethel look exhausted, both by him or by the truth that they’re the one ones who’ve been serving to Lucy elevate that little sucker.
The face of mates who simply cleaned up your child’s diaper blowout for you and now have to look at you sing.
They make enjoyable of Lucy (who’s nonetheless within the hospital––these guys are a category act) as a result of she purchased a tape recorder to document the newborn’s first phrases. What a waste of cash, hmm? Well if these jokers might solely see what individuals doc on Instagram in the present day, they’d #losetheirshit #wtf #kidsthesedays.
We flash again to Lucy doing her dishes. She tells Ethel that Ricky ordered her to cease spending cash.
LUCY: I couldn’t perceive most of it. All I might get was that pesos don’t develop on timber.
But she truly simply purchased one thing, so… Ricky, you will have a degree. She hides the brand new kitchen gadget within the fridge, as a result of he’d “Never suppose to look in right here in one million years.” And you understand, she’s in all probability proper. He’s by no means opened the fridge. The chill makes his man-parts shrink.
But Ricky catches her, and she or he reveals her new gadget: It rices, dices, and splices. It cuts down 2 hours a day of her work within the kitchen. But it’s $7.98, so Ricky freaks out.
Let’s perform a little math with our itty bitty girl brains. That one-time buy saves Lucy 730 hours per yr.
She gives to offer them an indication.
FRED: Of what?
RICKY: A lady’s stupidity.
He’s gonna elevate their son to be that man who says “good tits” to you whilst you wait in line on the DMV.
RICKY: Honestly, Fred, why is it that girls don’t have any gross sales resistance?
Yeah, what might probably make Lucy really feel powerless to talk up for herself? Besides each single factor that’s occurred in Seasons One and Two?
Lucy factors out Ricky purchased himself a 20-foot rubber life raft as soon as. (Lucy, that was a intercourse doll, you dum dum.)
But actually, what would Lucy do with 730 extra hours/yr? She might tutor youngsters. She might bake pies for needy households. But the children would find yourself flunking and the pies would poison poor individuals who received’t have entry to healthcare for no less than one other century. So it’s higher this manner.
“If solely I might use this meals processor to… course of… my emotions of crippling self-hatred.”
Ricky tells her she has to demand a refund or he’ll slice her into 16 an identical slices. He is an precise psychopath. Quick! Elect him!
So Lucy calls for the refund and Mr. Martin, the man from the gross sales firm, comes by the house. He flatters her, which works as a result of she hasn’t heard a pleasant factor about herself in over a decade.
The salesman tells her how silly most girls are (we love that) then dumps filth on her carpet (Prince Charming!). He gives her $10 if his vacuum can’t clear it up in 2 minutes flat.
Leave it to a person to imagine “come into my dwelling” means “dump a wad of poo on my carpet.”
Then he tells her about one fool girl who didn’t make the acquisition:
MR. MARTIN: Why that short-sighted, narrow-visioned feminine didn’t even have the intelligence to purchase one.
LUCY: What a dope!
This is what we name internalized misogyny, girls. We activate one another as an alternative of turning on the actual menace: remakes of outdated classics. Also the patriarchy.
Lucy principally begs him to promote her the vacuum. She buys the works, then about 50 different issues, together with the electrical twine and “the swap to show it on and off.” Actually, a turn-on swap would in all probability do Lucy numerous good.
When Ethel arrives later, Lucy’s blacked out and forgotten how she by chance spent $102.46.
This is the dead-eyed stare of an individual who’s watched the information this week.
Ricky is available in singing operatic tenor by way of the entire constructing. He has the identical respect for his neighbors as… properly, as you’d count on him to have.
She hides the vacuum. But Ricky flips the sunshine swap and the vacuum activates within the closet.
LUCY: Kiss me?
RICKY: Right after I see….
LUCY: Better kiss me now for those who’re ever going to!
When he finds the vacuum, Lucy jokes that it’s his Christmas current. Don’t be foolish, Lucy! For Christmas he will get one other child.
Ricky calls for she name the salesperson again and get one other refund. Ever the entrepreneur, Lucy decides to promote it to another person as an alternative of returning it.
She visits a girl’s house and performs the identical pitch the salesperson carried out for her. She dumps filth on the ground and gives the $10. But the electrical energy’s out, so she’s down one other $10 and has to hand-clean the ground.
This is what ladies do to one another. We take the poo a person threw on our flooring and we throw it onto one another’s flooring. Also, we let our mates put on hats like that and by no means warn them they appear to be Minnie Mouse barely survived a pure catastrophe. We’re monsters.
She finally wanders in late, completely exhausted, nonetheless with the vacuum.
LUCY: You’ll be glad to know, Ricky, that there are many ladies on the town with gross sales resistance.
I all the time have my mates therapeutic massage my ft after I vacuum. That’s why I don’t have mates. Or a vacuum (ex-friends destroyed it).
LUCY: I used to be kicked down stairs, bitten by a canine, and chased 3 blocks by a policeman who needed to see my peddler’s license.
Is that what they referred to as it again then?
RICKY: I don’t know what these ladies would do with out us males getting them out of all these messes.
Oh! Oh I acquired this one!
- Read The Handmaid’s Tale
- Get raises
- Not be assaulted
- Watch The Handmaid’s Tale
- Tweet freely
- Play video video games unharassed
- Run for workplace
- Only smile after we really feel prefer it
- Never get despatched one other dick pic
- Run impeachment proceedings
We’d in some way get by.
Ricky calls and schedules the refund, despite the fact that Lucy warns him this man will promote him one thing. But her girl voice escapes to the void. So the boys purchase a fridge and washer.
Lucy turned in that slicer and dicer she liked a lot. She misplaced 720 hours out of her yr. And within the meantime, the blokes made far worse purchases for a lot more cash, and nobody ever held them accountable.
But her eeeeemmmmmmaaaaiiiilllllllssssssss!
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Join me subsequent time for S02 E18: The Inferiority Complex. And observe WTF Lucy on Facebook and Twitter!