OK – ordinary well being warning. This is a private standpoint and I’m not disrespecting what works for others. This is what these items imply to me.
Our dominant and submissive relationship is predicated on being the most effective we may be for one another. We’ve beforehand outlined it as being equal and reverse. It is – however additionally it is complementary and it’s at all times our goal to minimise compromise.
Our dynamic is based on power and duty, service and obedience – and there are dominant and submissive points to every of those.
This appears to be a given for the dominant (however I do know there are occasions when I’m not robust). It’s generally assumed that obedient, non-resistant (the reverse of bratty?) submission is doormat-like and never worthy of respect – as a result of submission is predicated on resistance that have to be overcome by the dominants power.
That’s not my view.
It’s straightforward/lazy for each companions in a service/obedience primarily based D/s dynamic simply to pay lip service to what’s required. But delighting your companion at all times takes effort and subsumes self. And that’s a job for each.
She by no means stops delighting me. I hope I do the identical for her. But it’s particularly troublesome for the submissive to be true to her a part of the dynamic when it doesn’t go well with. Often easy submission takes power.
For me (and my companion) this goes so much wider than simply us (and simply BDSM). We each reckon that if extra folks took their obligations severely there can be much less want for rights.
For me as a dominant it means I would like to make use of what she has consented to for my satisfaction, however as safely as I can and never abusively. It means I make it attainable for her to present me what I would like by taking away considerations and worries that cease her doing so.
This consists of home trivia. I’ll prepare dinner if she wants time to do her nails.
Service for us is partly ritualistic. There are small however necessary issues we do (I plait her at bedtime, she makes her obeisance when she leaves the room) which maintain us in our locations. But they aren’t the essence of who we’re – only a means we remind ourselves and one another of who we’re.
Service is uneven. Mostly she offers and I obtain. But it’s freely given and one thing she needs to present. It’s not a chore to her – it makes me glow and that makes her really feel highly effective.
She can also be the ability behind my throne . When I weaken she holds me up. That too is service.
Obedience is one thing I earn. It is the reward I get for making her really feel safe, desired. cared for and revered. If it must be enforced then we each have failed.
Obedience is not going to at all times be straightforward. Like service, it’s a part of who she needs to be, even when it doesn’t go well with her: It is just actual when it isn’t non-compulsory. And meaning I’ve to implement it – even once I’m within the temper to be laissez faire – or not within the temper for a lot: She isn’t who she needs to be except she feels managed and revered for her obedience.